1000 years of shit happenings.

Guest Post -

All rights go to Sam Saunters @GreyHairedTeen

Been contemplating numerous things. 

And decided, regardless of the century, for the last 1000 years, '87 has been a bad year, for someone (generally someone important, not just anyone) and/or the English as a whole.

Here's some shit that's gone down in 87'-
1087 - William the Conquerer died. One of the few men who ever sucessfully invaded England, and known as 'the bastard' because he was such a badass.

1187 - Those crazy medieval crusaders lost Jerusalem to Saladin. Doesn't seem like much, but think about it. Holiest city in the world. Was a bitch to take in the first place. And for the rest of history you get remembered as the generation of westerners who lost Jesus' hometown. Bastards.

1287 - Something abit more local for me and anyone who actually know's me. The 'city' of Winchelsea on Romney Marsh is destroyed. There was a CITY at Winchelsea. AND IT WAS DESTORYED. WE DON'T KNOW HOW. Just think for a minute, how cool would it be if it was still there?

1387 - Richard II, the whiney little bastard, get's his arse kicked. He was KING, and a bunch of guys about 20 years his senior called the Lords Appellant told him he was a little bitch and locked him up. For once, it sucks to be king.

1487 - Battle of Stoke (Last Battle of the Wars of the Roses). Okay, I admit, I struggled abit here, but this was pretty shit for certain people. For instance, the House of York, who'd spent over a 100 years wrestling for the English throne had lost it all. Also, the French wrre pretty pissed because all that trouble had kept those English bastards outta their hair.

1587 - Mary, Queen of Scots was executed. Not so bad for alot of people, but pretty shit for her. After all, nobody likes getting their head lopped off with a sword. Wait. Scratch that. It was an axe. Royalty were supposed to warrent the use of a sword to avoid a prolonged death, but Mary's cousin Queen Lizzy hated her guts so she missed out.

1687 - James II of England (James VII of Scotland, just to confuse you) dissovled the English Parliament. Not told them to take a break, this guy actually believed in the Divine Right of Kings and thought he could rule all on his own. To put this into context, he got kicked out of the country by a Dutchman and then tried to take back the thrones of England and Scotland by invading IRELAND. You can probably guess how well that went by the fact he was a few hundred miles to far west.

1787 - A bunch of American blokes with lots of facial hair came up with something they take pretty seriously over there, the Constitution. So, what does this have to do with England? Not a huge amount, but it went a long way into unifying the US, and that kinda closed the door for us (or anyone else) ever getting back into a positon of power stateside. So it was kinda the end of a dream for a few crazy Empire-minded bastards.


1887 - We're getting more recent, and so to something more relevant to modern soeicty. England did rubbish against Austrailia at cricket. Bad as that is, it gets worse. We were all out for FORTYFIVE. Just to verify, thats 45, the number below 46. Admittedly, we eventually won the text by just 3 runs, but that first innings was the worst EVER. A black day for Enlish Cricket. On the bright side, a kid called Monty was also born this year, and he proved pretty darn important in stopping the biggest homocidal maniac ever - Hitler.

1987 - And so we come to the most recent 87'. By this time, the curse of 87' was starting to run its course, but some bad stuff still happened for the world of art and theatre. Andy Warhol, the famous artist who massively influence what it now considered modern art died. Futhermore, singing and dancing peoples everywhere cried because Fred Astaire popped his clogs. This was a big deal. Gene Kelly, a fellow all singing all dancing chap (the same guy who did Singin' In The Rain), commented "the history of dance on film begins with Astaire". That's a pretty big statement, and if you ever watch any footage of ole' Freddy performing, you'll understand.

That's it. 1000 years of cruddy 87's. The question is, what about 2087? Will shit go down in a big way? Well, unless you're this guy, you'll have to wait around to find out.